How do you cope with being in love with someone you can’t be with? How do you let go of that person?
Unrequited love is one of the worst feelings in life when you find yourself loving someone who doesn’t love you back. Or someone who can’t be with you the way you want them to be.
Getting over someone you love is never easy. But it’s important to let go and set yourself free both physically and emotionally.
Hopefully, you don’t ever find yourself in such a situation. But if you do or are currently in that position, here are some tips to help you get through.
1. Accept the situation
Acceptance is a huge part of moving on in life. For you to take steps towards letting go of a relationship, you need to accept the truth.
Take the situation for what it really is. Acknowledge why they can’t be with you and accept that it’s a valid reason. Whether you think it’s the right reason or not.
2. Don’t expect anything
Expectations can come in different forms. You can think that because you’ve been there for someone, they owe it to you to make you happy. It’s natural to believe that love and happiness must go hand in hand.
You get upset or angry if you don’t get the love you think you deserve. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. It’s not ideal or nice, but it’s not the end of the world. Accept that only you can get through this on your own.
Don’t base your expectations around somebody else.
3. Allow yourself to grieve
Rejection is one of the worst feelings you can go through in life, regardless of whether they can’t be with you or don’t want to be with you. It’s still rejection.
Don’t deny or block your emotions from yourself. Take the time to ask yourself how you feel and allow yourself to go through those feelings.
Give yourself the space and time to grieve for losing the love you’ve lost. Then you can start your healing process.
4. Realize that love should feel easy
If someone has given you a reason why they can’t be with you, accept it. Every relationship is challenging. But at the same time, it shouldn’t make you feel exhausted and drained.
Especially if you’re trying to make it work, life is already hard enough, and the last thing you need is a relationship to make it feel even more complex.
That person has probably taken the easy way out for themselves by not being with you. Maybe you should also find an easy way for yourself too.
5. Avoid blaming yourself
Relationships can fall apart at any time, with or without our help. There are a lot of things in life that are beyond our control. One of which is how other people feel.
We can’t control or influence how others feel towards us. Don’t go about blaming yourself for why the relationship didn’t work out.
Instead, assess the aspects of the relationship that were beyond your control. Accept it, and let go of any blame and grudge towards yourself and others.
6. Learn from the lessons
There’s always something to learn in every situation. Instead of focusing on the things you regret and wish never happened, look at the things you learned.
Because a relationship is over or never happened in the first place doesn’t mean you can’t get something positive out of it. Think about your personal growth.
Look back on the journey or assess the current situation. Remind yourself of the lessons you have gained. Take those and apply them to other areas of your life.
7. Accept yourself
When you’re in love with someone, you tend to look at yourself through the lens of that person. You’re constantly thinking about what they feel about you and how they see you.
When you’re no longer in a relationship with them, it’s hard to see who you are. You struggle with your identity and how you now see yourself.
If you ever find yourself in this situation, remember that you are an individual. Complete as you are. You already have the willpower and strength you need to be able to function, build and grow.
You can do this thing called life, and you are the right person for you. Don’t seek validation from the outside but recognize that you are the best person for you.
8. Let it go
Think about it as “well, that happened, and it’s done.” Not because you suddenly stop loving them or stop caring about your feelings.
But there’s no point hanging on and wishing for the situation to change. It would help if you let things go. Let go of the hope, the hurt, the feelings, everything.
Cut them off from your life if you can.
This should be pretty easy if they weren’t an important person in your life to begin with. Or if you weren’t friends before or have many mutual friends. It’s better to cut them off entirely and move on.
Seriously, let it go!
Jill Davis, author for Life So Ever
Jill Davis grew up on army bases in the USA and Germany and has spent her adult life on the East Coast. She resides in Virginia where she gets to enjoy lots of hiking trails, kayaking, and other outdoor adventures. No recipe intimidates her and she is always up to try most foods. Her second language is sarcasm and she always looks for the good in life.